WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an untelevised yet heavily mythologized moment beneath the Pentagon’s West Wing, Special Counsel Emil Bove reportedly turned to a federal camera drone piloted by media attorney Leita Walker and declared:
“F* you. Operation Grundfeljt proceeds as scheduled.”
Eyewitnesses say the statement was delivered while Bove was tightening the straps of a Kevlar-lined briefcase containing an Article V emergency override, a handwritten note from President Trump, and a laminated copy of the Declaration of Independence with “Try me” scrawled in Sharpie across it.
According to insiders, the drama began when media litigator Leita Walker — flanked by injunction-wielding clerks from the Southern District — stormed into a secured Pentagon hallway attempting to halt Emil Bove’s counter-operation to stop a globalist-led coup by rogue generals. She reportedly waved an emergency nationwide injunction labeled “Stop Grundfeljt: No Viking Sht Allowed” while accusing Bove of “undermining democratic overthrows with too much law.”
Bove allegedly laughed, lit a cigar (indoors), and replied:
“You think I’m going to let a nationwide gag order stop a constitutional realignment? We’re already at DEFCON Yggdrasil.”
What is Operation Grundfeljt?
The covert op — rumored to be named after an ancient Norwegian battle cry meaning “Return of the Woolen Kings” — is said to involve high-level judicial resignations, the restoration of Viking jurisprudence, and the seizure of rogue circuits via encrypted sled.
Sources say Bove was handpicked to oversee the final stage after quoting Article III backwards while skydiving onto the Pentagon helipad, dual-wielding subpoenas and screaming “Checks and Balances, baby!” through a custom-made SCOTUS wind tunnel.
“Emil isn’t a lawyer,” said one senior advisor under condition of anonymity. “He’s a jurisprudential berserker. You serve him a summons, he serves you the Magna Carta — on fire.”
Walker’s Response
Ms. Walker, attempting to halt Grundfeljt via injunctive relief, issued a statement saying:
“While I respect Mr. Bove’s passion for originalism, court orders are not optional.”
To which Bove allegedly responded:
“Neither is the Constitution.”
Closing the Courtroom Doors
As of press time, at least three federal judges were seen sobbing behind locked courtroom doors. Chief Judge Emmet Flailing reportedly texted “pls help” to Sen. Klobuchar.
Meanwhile, Bove and the Grundfeljt contingent were last seen entering a camouflaged icebreaker headed north toward “Phase 2: Fjord Justice.”